


Only In Dreaming

by Lady_Felucia



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), kylux - Fandom
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Boys Kissing, Eventual Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual kylux, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Male Character, General Hux - Freeform, Humor, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylux - Freeform, Love, M/M, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Short Story, Soft Kylux, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) - Freeform, Star Wars-All Media Types - Freeform, The First Order, supreme leader snoke - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Felucia/pseuds/Lady_Felucia
Summary: Too many things have happened since the destruction of Starkiller for all those involved to think about. But all that came from the close of that chapter was not bad; in fact, something new is slowly but surely blossoming between two lonely members of The First Order.Something wonderful.





	Only In Dreaming

Hux tramped through the snow, trying to keep the worst of his panic at bay. He and his men had been out here for nearly 20 minutes, and there was no discernible sign of Kylo Ren.

He had watched as Ren, in a blind fury, took off after the girl and the defective stormtrooper. He knew that Ren wasn't thinking clearly, and that he would most likely try to engage BOTH of the rebels in combat.

Yet Hux and his men, just a little while ago, had seen the girl take off with the Wookie in that decrepit ship of Ren's father. 

Meaning that, somewhere out here in the cold, Kylo Ren was most likely injured.

Or worse . . . dead.

But Hux couldn't let himself think about that. Time was running out; another ten minutes and they wouldn't have time to lift off the planet before it imploded. Already the ground was hissing and rumbling beneath them, and Hux could tell it was making his men uneasy.

They had zeroed in on Ren's homing beacon immediately, only to find that it was no longer attached to Ren's belt. 

The only way for the beacon to become detached from the belt was for the wearer, i.e. Ren, to punch in three separate access codes and then manually remove it.

Hux wasn't sure what the implications behind _that_ were, nor did he have the luxury of time to stop and think about it.

He continued doggedly on in the snow, his eyes streaming from the subzero cold and his voice painfully hoarse from continually calling out Ren's name.

Just when Hux felt he might collapse into his panic, his boot snagged something and he nearly fell over on his face.

Bending down, he could just barely make out a long object, half buried underneath a mound of snow. He got on his knees and began furiously pawing the white drifts away--and his heart nearly stopped in his chest as he uncovered a face.

A pale face, half soaked in blood from a gash that extended from cheek to forehead.

An unconscious face.

He quickly pawed the rest of the ice and debris from Ren's motionless body and tore at his robe, laying his head on Ren's chest to try and pick up a heartbeat.

Nothing.

With a shaking hand, he lifted Ren's wrist and pressed his fingers to the vein there.

A pulse!

A very slow, very faint pulse, but a pulse nonetheless.

A brand-new surge of adrenaline kicked in, enabling Hux to lift the limp man and hoist him across his shoulders. Then he took off as fast as he could back towards the rescue shuttle, handing Ren off to the two troopers that were nearest the door.

\---

Ever since what everybody referred to as the "incident" with Starkiller base, nothing in the First Order had been the same.

The Order had relocated to a new planet, and were in the long, tedious process of creating yet another super weapon. 

But security was higher than ever, and so was mistrust. Nobody had been able to overlook the fact that the fall of Starkiller had been initiated by one of their very own, the defective stormtrooper FN-2187. More measures were being put in place to ensure that such an act of rebellion wouldn't happen again, and the new, tense procedures left everybody tired and on-edge.

And Hux . . .

For the first time ever, Kylo Ren was actually _worried_ about the General.

To anybody on the outside, Hux would appear the same as he always did, leaving nobody with any room for concern or alarm.

But working with Hux more closely than anybody else, as well as being unintentionally privy to the man's thoughts and feelings, left Kylo with a very different perception.

Amongst other things, he knew (felt) that Hux was physically and emotionally exhausted. Kylo himself hadn't been sleeping so well since the incident, but he still slept.

Hux obtained maybe an hour of sleep each day, sometimes two if he was lucky. That combined with his already-poor diet (he had gotten noticeably thinner these past few weeks) and his refusal to ease up on his regimented schedules--at some point, Kylo felt that something disastrous would happen.

He and Hux did not speak to each other regarding personal matters, and had never done so in the past. In fact, their working relationship was filled with spite and contention. For Kylo to step outside of the norm they had created for themselves, to try and talk to Hux, would likely be received with anger and suspicion. If the situation were reversed (as it HAD been, many times in the past) Kylo knew he would turn a deaf ear to hearing any possible concerns or criticisms coming from Hux.

And Kylo wasn't really sure WHY he cared about what was going on with Hux, in any way, shape or form. After all, he never had, before. 

If he truly thought about it, he _supposed_ that he felt he owed Hux a debt of gratitude, for 'saving' him from the explosive aftermath of Starkiller. Kylo, bleeding out and half-dead, had been picked up by Hux himself and dragged on board the rescue shuttle. From there, it had been the Bacta tank and several hours of painful surgery. And Hux had been right there through the entire thing, asking if Kylo was okay, demanding updates from the droids who were tending to him, everything. 

And, perhaps most shockingly of all: in this entire time frame, from the rescue to now, Hux had not once laid blame to any of what happened on Kylo. As he _very easily_ could have, as a LOT of it WAS Kylo's fault. Losing important prisoners, not obtaining the map to Skywalker, ignoring several crucial security measures in order to take his (failed) revenge on the force-sensitive girl. So many mistakes; so MANY costly, fatal mistakes.

But Hux didn't mention any of it. Not even to Snoke, when the Supreme Leader had called both in front of him after the smoke had settled, to discuss rebuilding for the future.

Things had more or less gone back to normal between them, now, but still.

So, seeing Hux this way, just barely holding onto what little sanity he had left, was worrying to Kylo.

If possible, Kylo would have had Hux declared ill, and forcibly detained in his quarters until he had gotten an appropriate amount of rest, nourishment, and a break from stress, with one of Hux's subordinates taking over for him until he was "better". But that would be easier said than done. Such a proposal would have to go through Snoke, and, coming from Kylo, it would have been met with hearty disapproval. Snoke did not like his apprentice becoming involved with the operational affairs of The First Order, wanting him to remain focused on his duties as an enforcer, commander, and his force-training. He was merely to help Hux, not suggest ways to change the system, even if only temporarily.

And Snoke was not exactly sympathetic to admissions of incompetence, which is probably what kept Hux himself from approaching Snoke to request a break, or a possible lessening of his work load.

If Kylo felt like fixing things, he needed to try and find a way to do so, on his own.

He walked into the conference room after one of Hux's meetings. Everybody else had left, and Hux was standing with his back to Kylo, looking out his window. He seemed unaware that anybody was in the room with him. He had a small recorder held to his mouth, and he was speaking softly into it, detailing notes about the meeting.

Not wanting to interrupt him, Kylo sat down in one of the chairs, moving quietly and stealthily. He also took off his helmet and laid it gently on the table, still creating no noise.

The removal of his helmet was a rare thing for Kylo. He only ever did it in the presence of his Master, and always in private. The first time Hux had ever seen his face had been that day a few weeks ago, when he had barged into one of Kylo's meetings with Snoke. It was _that_ day, the day that the girl had . . .

But no, Kylo didn't want to spend any energy thinking about that. As it was, he relived that day over and over in each of his dreams, and his brain was, quite frankly, worn out with the images.

Eventually Hux's notes ended and he clicked off the recorder, giving off a barely perceptible sigh as he did so.

When he turned around and saw Kylo sitting there, he physically jumped backwards a step, obviously startled.

If Kylo hadn't been sitting, he would have done the same.

Hux looked _worse_ than when Kylo last saw him yesterday morning. His face was paler than ever, his normally pink lips and his cheeks colorless and sallow. Underneath his eyes were large, bruised-looking crescents of flesh that further backed up Kylo's notion that he wasn't sleeping.

He was looking at Kylo with a mixed expression of surprise and irritability.

"Lord Kylo Ren," he finally said in a dry, somewhat condescending tone. He sat down and began gathering up his papers. "I assume you're in here to either ask me for something, or summon me to Snoke. Which is it?"

Kylo cleared his throat several times before answering. He wasn't used to speaking directly to anyone (other than Snoke) without the aid of his helmets voice modulator. It made him unpleasantly self-conscious.

"Neither," he said, wincing as he always did upon hearing himself speak. "I just came to--" 

Here he stopped, not knowing how to finish his sentence. He could already sense that Hux was very suspicious that he had cornered him, alone, and without the face-shield. If Kylo were to open his mouth and say that he was in here because he was legitimately worried about Hux, the latter wouldn't react well to it at all.

"-- to say hello," he finished hastily. It wasn't the truth, but at least it was less damning than "I'm wondering when your nervous breakdown is going to strike."

Still, Hux's expression had shifted to one of disbelief, and, yes, of course it was there--suspicion.

"'Say hello?’” he repeated warily. " _Why_?"

"I think I read somewhere that unplanned exchanges of pleasantries sometimes happen between friends."

"Friends?", Hux asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Admittedly a loose term for us," Kylo conceded, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Very loose.", Hux said, stuffing his remaining items into his leather carrying case. 

"Wait. Okay, you were right the first time, there is something I want from you."

Hux nodded as if he had expected as much.

"I suppose I should thank you. In such a time of instability, it's good to know I can always count on your dubious motivations. Alright; what is it?"

At that moment, a knock came on the door and one of Hux's officers walked in.

"General; I need you to accompany me to Sector 34-F. I need your evaluation on . . ."

Without turning around, without so much as moving an eyelash, Kylo focused two hot spears of pressure onto the side of the man's neck. He could hear the desperate gagging sounds emerge from the man's mouth.

"I am in the middle of a conversation with General Hux," he said, quietly. At the same time, he released his hold on him and listened as his knees hit the ground in a loud crunch. "Leave us."

He heard the man scramble to his feet and stagger away, still breathing heavily. He sighed.

"I don't think that was really necessary, Ren," Hux told him; but there was a very small smile on his face as he said so. "A simple 'Please come back later' would have sufficed."

"'Please?' _Please_?!," Kylo asked with a sneer. "Snoke would **end** me if he ever heard me saying 'please' to a subordinate."

Hux sighed, and he propped his fist up on his cheek, staring at Kylo. It was a small gesture, seemingly insignificant, but it was the most "relaxed" Hux had ever gotten in front of him.

He _must_ have been tired.

"So, what do you want?"

Kylo paused again, not sure what it was he wanted. 

What he heard come out of his mouth surprised even himself.

"I need a partner," he said, "For tonight."

"A partner? For what? Dancing?"

"If you can dance, sure. No, actually, for my meditation session."

" _Why?_ "

"It's hard to explain, it's just, I always have Snoke with me, but he's been busy lately and I find it very hard to concentrate when I'm by myself."

"Isn't that the point of meditation? To clear your mind, by yourself?"

Kylo nodded. "It is, but, in case you haven't noticed, I do everything backwards. Now come on; I need centering. It keeps me calm. Isn't that part of your job, to keep me calm?"

Hux stood up and began to walk to the door.

"If it is, Snoke needs to be paying me a **lot** more than he is now."

He got to the door and paused. Kylo could tell he was battling his indecision, and he tried once more to sway him.

"I'll even make you something to eat."

Hux turned back around and faced him.

"You--can _cook_?"

"No. But if all else fails, I'll have something sent up from catering. Okay?"

Kylo heard Hux give a very tiny yawn. 

"What time?"

\---

"I didn't think that those incompetent chefs in the mess hall could cook like that," Hux said, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

Kylo had given up trying to cook himself after his fourth failed attempt at a simple meal, and had catering bring up food, like he had promised.

This had been part one of what he felt needed to be fixed with Hux, the eating. He was pleased that Hux didn't need much coaching to finish all the food on his plate, and he even took seconds. Already his face looked a little better, but not by much.

Meaning it was time for Phase 2.

He led Hux into the area of his quarters that he reserved specifically for meditation. Hux's eyes were drawn, immediately, to the dark burnt helmet that rested on a pedestal in the corner.

"That's your grandfather?", Hux asked nervously. He didn't move any closer to it, seeming as though he was afraid of it. 

Kylo nodded proudly. "The greatest Sith Lord of all time: Darth Vader."

"Does he, uh, speak?"

Kylo smiled at the obvious anxiety in Hux's voice.

"Not in a way that you would be able to hear, so don't worry about it."

Hux nodded, still looking at the helmet with a leery eye. 

"So anyway, here, come sit down with me," Kylo said, patting one of the cushions he had placed on the floor.

Hux sat down, crossing his legs in the same manner that Kylo was. He took a deep breath, and smiled.

"I really like whatever scent that is."

He was referring to the numerous candles and sticks of incense that were lit all along the area.

Kylo nodded in agreement. "I'll get some for you, if you want. Now, focus. Have you ever meditated before?"

"No."

"Well, it's not at all complicated. It's mainly about centering yourself, resetting all your emotional dials. Just close your eyes, relax. Breathe."

"What am I supposed to think about?"

"Nothing. Just your breathing."

Hux did as he was told, his face scrunching up in apprehension. Kylo could tell Hux wasn't used to letting his guard down, and even something as simplistic as closing his eyes in front of another person put him very ill at ease.

But no time to think about that now; he had to concentrate.

He focused on slowing down Hux's brain waves, humming very softly. The smell of the honey, jasmine, and lavender filled the room, adding a very calming air to the situation.

Slower, slower, _slower_ . . . 

Finally, Hux slumped back completely against the wall, having given in to Kylo's influence and his own exhausted spirit.

Kylo reached over and shook him once, just to be sure. He didn't budge. Then he levitated him to the couch and laid him spread out. He covered him with a heavy blanket.

He went into his own room and laid down on his bed on his side, opening his DataPad. He was planning on letting Hux sleep here for a few hours; then, when the hallways were mostly empty, to levitate him to his own quarters and into his own bed.

What he didn't plan on was falling asleep himself--and staying asleep the rest of the night.

When he woke up, it was morning. Daylight streamed in cheerily through the windows.

He got up and headed into his living room.

Hux was gone. The blanket that had been covering him was neatly folded and placed on the end of his couch. But on Kylo's coffee table, a large, appealing-looking breakfast was laid out, clearly from catering.

Underneath a dish was a folded-up note.

Just one word was written on it, in Hux's neat handwriting: _Thanks._

Kylo smiled and began to eat his breakfast, before leaving to face the day ahead.

\---

Of all the things that he personally oversaw each day, checking in on their newly expanded naval fleet was by far Hux's favorite activity.

Snoke had felt that, considering the destruction of Starkiller base, the First Order needed to be more rounded in terms of its weapons arsenal. Considering the new planet they were on was mostly a water planet, Snoke felt that expanding on their naval fleet would be beneficial to them.

Every day Hux's rounds would take him along the huge boatyard where all the sleek, silver, heavily-armed ships were stored. If he had time, he'd stand and watch as engineers worked on the newer ships, and observe as various Officers lead specially-trained stormtrooper squads through numerous aquatic drills and procedures.

When Hux had been a young man, his father had owned an impressive collection of ships. It was one of the rare few points on which the two bonded. In fact, Hux had learned to sail a boat long before he learned to fly a ship.

He had hope, in the back of his mind, that if they ever sent these ships out to battle, he could be at the helm of everything. But he knew this was not likely.

Snoke preferred to keep him manning a desk these days, plotting and strategizing the best courses of action for OTHER people to take, rather than participate physically in anything himself.

Hux envied Kylo Ren his ability to go out constantly into the action, directly into the heat of battle. Hux often thought wistfully back to his days when he was just a young officer, with no more than 20 men at his command.

Standing and staring out into the wild, volatile sea was the one thing that put Hux back into that mindset of freedom and adventure. Before he was held personally accountable for the actions and progress of every single person in the Order.

One day, in the early afternoon, he had been standing outside and watching the boats bob up and down in the water. It was very quiet, and peaceful, and Hux was having a hard time trying to force himself back inside the cold, sunless prison of the base.

"Hux! I've been looking for you," came a deep, low voice from behind him.

Hux turned around slowly and faced the owner of the voice, Kylo Ren.

Hux wasn't sure whether it was his imagination or not, but it seemed that, lately, Kylo had been acting very strangely towards him.

There had been that day several weeks ago when the Knight had invited Hux to his quarters, to meditate with him. Hux still wasn't sure how it had happened, but he had somehow fallen asleep during the session. 

When he had woken up, he had somehow gone from sitting cross-legged on the floor to laying on Kylo's couch, covered with a blanket.

He had sat up in confusion, then began a search for his host. Kylo had been in his bedroom, still fully dressed, and snoring on top of his covers. Seeing Kylo so at peace, so vulnerable, so -- so _normal_ , had given Hux a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something akin to -- butterflies.

Ever since that day, Kylo had been making a noticeable, obvious effort to be friendlier than he had been in the past. Although not completely changed, he was less sarcastic, quieter, and a lot easier to talk to than before.

Again, Hux wasn't sure WHY; but he welcomed and appreciated all changes that made his job easier.

"Well, you've found me. What do you want?"

Kylo pointed off into the distance, back into the shipyard.

"See that boat right there? The black one with the silver trim?"

""Yes?"

Kylo grinned. "It's mine."

Hux took another look. He should have been able to see that it was Ren's ship. It was sleek, black, and deadly-looking. Like an aquatic version of Ren's air ship, the Silencer. He wondered what name Ren would give this one.

"I'm thinking of calling it the Fury.", Ren told him, reading the General's thoughts. "Snoke wanted me to have my own command ship. It just got finished a few days ago. This is the first time I'm coming out here, to inspect it."

Now he looked sideways at Hux and said, casually, 

"Would you like to go with me, on my test ride?"

Hux snapped his head up, eagerly. It wasn't like him to ever show excitement about anything in front of other people, but right now he couldn't help it.

"When?"

Kylo smiled, and somehow Hux could tell that he _knew_ , how badly he longed to be out on the water again.

"Right now, if you're ready."

Hux was hesitant. "I don't know if I can, Ren. I have so many things I need to--"

"All you have to say is that Kylo Ren 'forcibly insisted' that you come with him."

Hux raised an eyebrow at that, and smiled. "Forcibly?"

Kylo grabbed hold of Hux's arm and began dragging him towards the loading dock of his ship. "To make it believable," Ren told him with a grin. “Help out the illusion; protest.”

“No. Stop. Help.”, Hux said, completely deadpan, cracking both men up.

The engineers waiting on Kylo's ship gave them a detailed tour around the vessel, explaining about the different controllers and features. Hux was only half-listening, so excited was he to be standing on a boat again.

By the time the engineers left and Kylo started the engine and took off, Hux felt an elation of spirit that he hadn't known was possible for him.

They made it out to the open waters outside the shipyard, and glided gracefully and swiftly through the water. The waters were a bit choppy, creating a very pleasant bobbing sensation, and the sun was shining warmly down on them.

After a long time of not speaking, Kylo turned to Hux and said, teasing him,

"So, would now be a bad time to tell you that I brought you out here to kill you?

Hux smiled, turning his face towards the sun.

"It would be, yes. Especially since you just _told_ me. I like to be surprised."

The two continued to race along the water, Ren insisting that they needed to fully test out all possible speeds of the ship. Eventually, though, they had tested out what seemed like every major function, and Hux sighed a little, at what he felt was their inevitable return to the shipyard.

"Can't we just stay out here forever?", Hux said, very softly. He wasn't even aware that he had spoken out loud--or that Kylo had heard him.

"Maybe not forever, but we can manage another hour, if you want."

Hux glanced at him, embarrassed at himself.

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to--"

"No, I get it. You need an escape. Even if it's only a temporary one. And besides, we still have one more function to test out. The most important one."

"Which is?"

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Can't tell you, since you like to be 'surprised'."

He began gunning it quite hard towards the nearest stretch of land, and Hux looked at him apprehensively.

"Ren, we're coming in awfully fast. Maybe you should slow down?"

But Kylo didn't ease up on the controls.

"It has to be fast, for it to work."

"For WHAT to work?", Hux asked, now beginning to feel nervous. He gripped the side of the boat uneasily.

"You'll see. All part of the test drive."

But all Hux could see was them approaching the sandy beach ahead, dangerously fast. He had just about decided that Ren had gone suicidal and was intending to take Hux out with him in a glorious crash. So he closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.

Suddenly, Hux felt everything moving upwards, extremely high into the air. His first thought was that they had hit some obstruction and were in the process of flipping over. But he realized that the speed at which they were rising was very steady.

He opened his eyes to peek.

They were on the beach, but hundreds of feet in the air. The boat was now enclosed, and, looking down through the window, Hux could see that it was being balanced on mechanical legs.

"A little something the engineers have been working on," Kylo told the silent-stunned Hux. Once we get close to shore, this thing turns into a modified AT-AT."

Hux let out his breath, not even aware that he had been holding it in.

"That scared me," Hux admitted, chuckling nervously. "I thought you were trying to kill yourself."

"No, no," Ren said, shifting the gears so that the AT-AT was walking around in the sand. "I've already planned out how I'm going to kill myself. I mean, if," he added hastily. "IF, not when."

Hux gave him an odd look. His earlier desire to ask him about why, when they had found him, his homing locator had been taken off his belt, arose. Instead, he just said "How?"

"It involves a lot of prep work, actually. First, I must find my mother, wherever she is. Then I need to find Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber. Or, rather, get it back. I know who has it," he said reluctantly, gritting his teeth against the rise of anger he felt, at that scavenger roaming around with that most sacred of weapons.

When the anger passed, he continued.

"Then, I'd want my mother to stab me through the heart with it. Or behead me; I guess it really won't matter."

Hux was silently thoughtful, wondering whether Ren was being serious or not. Looking at the calm, placid way his face looked, he sensed that he WAS.

"That's it?", was all Hux could think to say in response.

"What do you mean, is that it?"

"I don't know, I expected more from you, considering your flair for the dramatic. Something big and flashy."

Kylo rolled his eyes. He had walked the AT-AT almost a mile around the beach, and now began heading back towards the water.

"It doesn't need to be fancy; it just needs to be effective."

"Well, MY death would be a spectacle," Hux said, thinking about it. "It would be in all the historical files. People would talk about it for centuries afterwards."

Kylo started to laugh, quite hard. They had made it to water and the AT-AT was starting the conversion process back to a boat, lowering to the ground at a somewhat dizzying speed.

"That's a lie. If anything, I'll just end up stabbing you someday."

Hux frowned. They were back in the water now, and headed towards home.

"Kylo, if you ruin my death by killing me with something as arbitrary as a lightsaber stabbing, I'll never forgive you."

Kylo just chuckled and shook his head.

"Do you have any idea how morbid we sound, talking about this?"

Before Hux could answer, Kylo said "My arms are tired. You drive us the rest of the way back."

So Hux eagerly too the controls, and they rode in a companionable silence back to the base.

\---

He jerked awake, breathing hard, and clapped his hand over his mouth before it could let out the shriek that the nightmare had built up.

The scent of the dream was still on him. He took one fast, fearful look around the bedroom, reaching out with the Force to assure himself that he was alone, and safe. After a few moments, he breathed out a sigh of relief. It was just an ordinary bedroom, every corner known.

 _Just a dream_ , he told himself.

 _No, it wasn't._ , a voice in his mind whispered implacably.

"So, what?", he asked, barely aware that he was now speaking out-loud. "You're saying it was real? That, what, you're going to look under the bed, and Han is going to be there? Waiting?"

It was a silly, irrational thing to think, but once the thought had wielded its way into Ren's mind, it wouldn't let him go.

He found that he had stiffened in the bed, afraid to make a move one way or another lest his (Irrational? Are you SURE it's 'irrational', Kylo?) fear come true. He quickly told himself how ridiculous he was being, and forced himself to swing his feet over the side and stand on the floor.

He worried, worried, that he was slowly but surely losing his mind. The dreams were getting worse, more gruesome, until it was hard for him to tell the difference between that and reality.

Snoke knew that he was having issues, but declined to speak on them, or offer any real help or advice, other than his constant "You need to work harder to overcome your weaknesses" mantra.

Guilt.

Kylo was feeling painful, searing guilt over his murder of his father. And he was angry at himself, horribly angry, that it should be so.

Like all things that bothered him, or caused him pain, his first reaction was to repress the unpleasantness and go about business as usual. The second was to lash out, causing violence to people and property alike.

But, oh, that last part was hard.

At any rate, in the present time, he knew he wasn't going to sleep any more this evening. Or, rather, early morning.

He got dressed and left his quarters, bidding a quiet "Good morning" to the two stormtrooper guards stationed outside his doors. Contrary to what others thought, Kylo could be very friendly when he wanted to be, or at the very least cordial.

Even though the idea of guards irritated him to no end. But Snoke insisted. Snoke was all about appearance, and insisted that Ren was of the same prestige as himself, to warrant having guards outside of his doors at all hours of the day and night.

Snoke had, in fact, worked tirelessly to set Kylo Ren apart from everybody else in the first order, and for the most part, his efforts had been successful. But what Snoke didn't seem to understand (or affected NOT to, on purpose) was that oftentimes, all Kylo wanted to do was fit in with other people.

That feeling of loneliness, of isolation had followed him his entire life, and Snoke only made it worse.

Like, with the gym.

Kylo had his own personal training gym on the first floor, filled with the latest high-tech equipment and machinery. But Kylo, when he could get away with it, preferred to use the secondary, somewhat outdated stormtrooper gym. It gave him that tiny, _tiny_ feeling of belonging, of being the same as anybody else, when he could use it.

This was where he was headed now.

Even though he knew that, considering the hour, it would likely be empty.

And even though, if anybody WERE there, they would likely clear out in a hurry once he walked into the room.

He made it to the gym and pushed open the door cautiously—and was more than surprised to see Hux in there, all alone, and running on a treadmill.

Hux heard the door open, and turned his head to see who had entered. He was wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a black muscle shirt. It was the most underdressed that Kylo had ever seen him. Hux’s arms were a bit bigger, more toned, than Kylo would have suspected, hidden as they always were under the voluminous sleeves of his great coat.

“What are you staring at?", Hux asked him, tilting his head. Kylo looked away; he hadn’t realized that he had been staring.

Ren quickly finished crossing the room over to the weight section. "Sorry; it's just, I've never seen you in here before."

Hux turned his glance back away from him, and focused once more on his running.

"First time for everything," he said, throwing his voice over his shoulder and towards Ren. He checked the dial on his wrist, and pressed two fingers to the pulse in his neck. He frowned, noticing that his heart rate wasn't quite where he wanted it to be. He slightly increased the speed on the machine.

Behind him, Ren was grunting as he lifted the heavy bar up and down. After he fell into his rhythm, he noticed for the first time the music Hux had playing throughout the room.

"What are you listening to?", he muttered, mostly to himself. He didn't think Hux had heard him, but apparently, he had, because he looked back at him and said:

"It's called Snovarkian. It's a very popular style of classical music on my home planet."

He didn't respond, but Ren thought to himself that the people on Hux's planet must be quite boring.

When he was finished with his weights, Kylo moved on to the parallel bars. He swung himself up, over, and around, doing flips and dives through the air.

Hux had finished with running, and now he dropped to the floor to do a series of sit-ups. But after the first few he found himself struggling to keep his feet anchored to the ground.

He glanced over at Kylo.

"Hey, stop jumping around for a second and help me out: come stand on my feet."

Kylo wiped his face with a towel, then came over and placed his boots over the top of Hux's. It felt somewhat awkward, watching Hux rise and fall below him, so he trained his gaze elsewhere.

“I didn’t realize you worked out, Hux,” he said after a while.

“I expect the very best, physically, from my men,’ Hux replied, grunting a bit. “I’d be a hypocrite to not be in _some_ sort of shape, myself.”

Kylo nodded, still not looking at Hux.

“Of course, I have no aspirations of looking anything like **you** ,” he went on. He moved his feet from underneath Kylo’s; he was done with sit-ups. He got to his knees and began to do push-ups.

“You don’t want to be like me,” Kylo told him. “Most of the time I feel like I’m dying.”

Hux chuckled as he continued to do push-ups. “I’ll trade you your ‘dying’ for ‘constantly feeling like a failure.’”

“That wouldn’t do any good; I’ve got that, too.”

Now both started to laugh, hard.

Hux stopped first, and he got back to his feet.

“So, can I ask what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

Hux glanced at his watch. “It’s 4 in the morning. You don’t normally make it a point to come and work out so early, do you?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kylo replied, trying to deflect from the question. Whether and Hux were becoming friends or not, he didn’t think he could tell him about the dreams. He felt deeply ashamed of them, and his inability to control his thoughts.

So, he was shocked when Hux said, “My dreams were bothering me.”

“Dreams? About?”

Hux shrugged, sitting down at the weight bench. “Spot me, please,” he said to Kylo, laying down and stretching his arms. Kylo lowered the bar down slowly into Hux’s arms, feeling a little smug that his own weights had been much heavier than Hux’s.

After a few moments of steady pumping, Hux said, quietly, “I dream a lot about the explosion of Starkiller. About the battle that happened right beforehand. And—don’t laugh, about you.”

“Me?”, Kylo asked in surprise.

“Yes, you. That day; when I had to find you. I couldn’t do it at first. You were buried underneath the snow and I just barely stumbled over the tip of your boot. You were bleeding so hard, you looked dead. I thought you WERE dead.”

He put the bar back up on the rest and sat up. He took a deep breath, then asked Kylo the question that had been bothering him ever since that day.

“Why did you take off your homing beacon?”

Kylo sat down beside him on the bench, looking down at the floor. He was quiet for so long that Hux didn’t think he was going to answer the question.

“I didn’t want you to find me. I felt like, I deserved to die. For what I had done, to—to my father."

Now he looked up pensively at Hux. “I have bad dreams, too. It’s why I’m awake right now, why I’m in here. Dreams about Han. About the way his face looked. The way he touched my cheek. The things he said.”

Hux was quiet for a while, thinking about what Kylo had said.

“You know, uh, you know that you can talk to me, right? I mean, if anything bothers you, or anything is wrong, you can come and TALK to me about whatever it is.”

Kylo smiled, and suddenly he felt worlds better than when he had first come into the gym.

“Thanks,” he said, reaching out tentatively to pat Hux’s shoulder. “Same goes for you.”

Hux smiled, and then he cleared his throat and said, gruffly, “This is all wrong. We’re not supposed to be helping each other. We’re not even supposed to _like_ each other.”

Kylo gave an exaggerated sigh. “FINE, Hux. I’ll force-choke you later. Satisfied?”

“That’s better. Now come on, let’s get out of here.”

“I don’t think I could go back to sleep now, though. It would be pointless."

“I know that. You’re coming with me to the mess. We’re having breakfast.”

“Really? Didn’t you just get done saying something about how we’re being too nice to each other?”

“So, I’ll tell the cook to poison your food, okay? Now come on,” he said, walking towards the doors.

Kylo followed him.

\---

Hux sighed and straightened out the tense set of his shoulders.

He had been stuck in the conference room all day, sitting through meeting after horrible meeting. He was tired, and sore, and very, very irritable.

And slightly worried.

Normally, it would be normal for Kylo Ren to be present for at least one of these meetings; but Hux had not seen him all day. In fact, he had not seen Kylo for almost a week. When he inquired to Snoke, he was told Snoke had Kylo Ren engaging in a new form of training that required complete isolation, and the man would be unavailable for several days.

Hux knew how seriously Ren and Snoke took Ren’s training, and tried to always be respectful of what they were doing, without questioning the reasons behind it. But Hux couldn’t help but feel nervous. He would have thought he’d at least see Kylo creeping out of his quarters for food. As it was, the mess staff made no reports of Kylo ordering food to himself, so Hux could only deduce that he wasn’t eating.

Was this part of whatever training method Snoke had him on? Starving himself?

After internally debating with himself over it, Hux went down to mess and procured a piece of Juliberry pie. And set off determinedly for Kylo’s quarters. He knocked for what felt like a long time before Kylo finally opened the door.

Hux took an uneasy step backwards, upon seeing him.

He looked exactly like Hux would picture someone looking, that was teetering on the edge of madness.

Right away he could tell that Kylo had not been sleeping, or if he had been, it couldn’t have been for more than an hour at a time. And he looked like depression was eating him alive. Hux knew THAT particular look very well; it had been on his own face more times than he could count, over the past few years.

“Kylo,” he heard himself say, “I was on my way from the mess, and thought you might like a snack.”

Kylo looked at him, then at the pie. A spark came into his eye, and it reaffirmed Hux’s notion that Kylo hadn’t been eating.

Kylo opened his door wider and indicated with his head for Hux to enter.

Hux had to do a double take around the room. All the furniture had been stacked neatly into a semi-circle around the room. In the blank space of floor that the circle created, there was a configuration of sweet-smelling candles and incense sticks burning steadily out into the air.

Hux pulled his coat tighter around himself, noticing for the first time that the temperature in here was freezing cold. He experimented, and realized that he could SEE his breath in the air.

But Kylo was dressed in very little clothing, merely wearing a tunic and loose pants. His bare arms were covered in goosebumps, but he didn’t seem to even notice.

“Sorry it’s such a mess in here,” he said, using the Force to move the candles back and levitate the couch into the bare circle. Hux sat down, and Kylo sat beside him. He took a bite of his pie and gave out a little sigh of contentment.

Hux waited until he had taken another bite, before asking,

“So Snoke told me you’re doing a new form of training? How is that going for you?”

Kylo shrugged, and Hux couldn’t help but notice, again, how cold Kylo’s arms looked. Just sitting next to him was like sitting next to an open conservator.

Kylo must have read his mind about that, because he said, “Subzero temps force the mind to sharpen focus."

“I didn’t know that. Can I ask what your new training consists of?”

“It’s a bit like meditation, in reverse. I try to hold on to my mind, while Snoke projects many, many thoughts and memories and feelings into it. The purpose is to overcome outside distractions, but it’s a bit hard.”

It didn’t look ‘a bit hard’ to Hux. It looked like it was tearing Kylo apart from the inside out. He seemed on the verge of collapse. Hux desperately wished there was some way to help him.

He was about to say something, when Kylo suddenly dropped his plate to the floor. It hit the ground with a loud crash, rolling underneath the couch. Hux was too startled to react.

Kylo put his palms to either side of his forehead, and squeezed. His lips had pulled back in a sneer, and little whimpers were escaping his mouth.

Almost as soon as it had started, it ended. He sat back up straight and looked around himself as if unsure precisely where he was.

“I’m sorry,” he said huskily, looking down dully at the spilled remains of pie.

“Did you just receive a memory?”, Hux asked him cautiously.

Kylo nodded, smoothing back his hair from his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, in a dull voice. “Sometimes they just surprise me, is all. But it’s getting better.”

 _If this is your version of ‘better’, I’d hate to see want worse looks like,_ Hux thought to himself.

To Kylo, he merely said “Maybe I should go.”

To his surprise, Kylo reached out and grabbed his arm, holding him back.

“Please, don’t leave.”

He spoke in the voice of a child, scared to be left alone in the darkness of his room. It was timid, and vulnerable, and very unlike Kylo Ren.

And it made Hux’s chest hurt.

“I won’t, then,’ Hux replied. He got up and went into Kylo’s kitchen, to retrieve a cloth to clean up the spilled pie. He began fixing the mess on the carpet, working silently as Kylo watched him with that same scared expression in his eyes.

When he was finished, and put the discards in the trash compactor, he came back in and sat down gingerly by Kylo.

“Do you ever wish you could capture a moment? Or a second?”, Kylo asked him, looking down at the floor.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything goes so quickly, Hux. Everything.” He held up his arm to the fading red glow of sunset from the window, and rolled up his sleeve. “Look. The sun on my skin. The color. In 30 minutes or so, it’ll be gone, that color, and the feeling of warmth. All that will be left is the memory of it. But why can’t I capture that in a better way? Why can’t I be satisfied with JUST the memory?”

Hux gaped at him, feeling as though the conversation has gone entirely off the rails. He wasn’t sure what to respond to what was obviously a very important issue to Kylo.

“One minute I was a child, and I was with my parents. I was happy. I blink and suddenly I’m 32 years old, my father’s dead, I haven’t seen or spoken to my mother in almost a decade, I’m having nightmares, I’m friendless, lonely, I’m a murderer . . . “

Suddenly, and very unexpectedly, Kylo burst into tears. He covered his face with his hands and hunched his shoulders, sobbing.

Hux was at a complete loss for what to do. If this had been anyone else, he would have sternly told that person to pull themselves together. But this was different.

He awkwardly reached out and patted Kylo on the shoulder, clumsily, trying to calm him. When Kylo didn’t react (or calm down), Hux leaned over, put both of his arms around him, and held him tightly. Kylo was very stiff in his arms at first, but after a few moments he relaxed, and Hux could rock him slowly back and forth.

Hux didn’t take the time to wonder how long it had been since he had had his arms around another human being. He didn’t wonder why Kylo’s pain felt so strong to him, so acute, and so familiar.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he told him, repeatedly. After a while he realized that he was saying it to himself as much as he was saying it to Kylo. That he needed to hear (and believe) those words just as badly as Kylo did.

Hux wasn’t sure of how much time was passing. What he was aware of was that Kylo had indeed begun to calm down, slowly, in his arms. That his sobs lessened, his breathing calmed, that he was no longer choking out hysterical words.

“You’re wrong about one thing,’ Hux said, patting his back. “You’re NOT ‘friendless’. You have me.”

Amazingly, Kylo started to laugh. “You’re all wrong, too. Both of us are ‘wrong’. What’s that saying? Two wrongs don’t make a right?”

Hux chuckled. He pulled off his coat and wrapped it around Kylo, before letting him go.

“In mathematics, though, two negatives make a positive. We’re both negatives.”

“You’ve lost me. I was never any good at math,” Kylo said, and the two laughed again.

“Well,” Hux said, standing, “Since you dropped the pie, maybe you’d like to go and get some real food, instead?”

“I don’t know, Hux,” Kylo said, holding back. “I’m really supposed to be fasting.”

“So, we’ll eat fast. Now come on.”

Kylo smiled, unable to find an argument for that.

\---

Hux took a deep breath and tried to relax himself, sitting at his desk. He needed to stay calm and focused, but it was hard, considering what time of year it was.

It was time for the annual quarterly performance.

Everyone, or every single top officer, had to go in and have a personalized "meeting" with Snoke., 4 times a year. This was the Supreme Leader's version of staff performance reviews. He would have each person's file before him, and he would painstakingly go over every single detail written on the forms. At the same time, he would subject that person to the same mind-peeling that was normally reserved for his apprentice, to read their inner thoughts and seek out their weaknesses. Then he would "talk" to them about whatever he had seen or read.

In some cases, what Snoke said would result in the person receiving promotions, or accolades, or at the very least, high praise.

But this wasn't always the case.

Some Officers were found to have had treasonous thoughts in the past; others were found to be too weak for Snoke's liking. These individuals were earmarked and set aside for execution. In most cases, the deaths were performed by Snoke's specialized executioner stormtroopers. But if the crime was particularly grievous, either Kylo Ren or, worse, Snoke himself, would perform the actions.

It was a rough week for everybody, dreading what was to come.

All week long Hux sent a group of his officers to Snoke's chambers to begin their review.

So far, this week, not a single group he had sent came back with as many people as it had left with. One, two, sometimes as many as 6 individuals out of the standard group of 10 would be kept back and earmarked for death. Once Hux learned who they were, it was his duty to immediately find someone to take the fallen one's place.

This, on top of his regular duties, made him extremely tired and dejected all week long. He was losing some fine officers, and replacing them was quite a headache.

And, once again, he hadn't seen much of Kylo this week.

But it wasn't because he was training; he was currently away on a mission. Hux was glad that the training of last week was over. The uncomfortably painful situation in Kylo's quarters had served to legitimately frighten Hux, seeing how mentally and physically drained Kylo was.

Which was odd.

Why did Hux _care_? And why, more and more, did he find himself thinking of Kylo? About what he was doing, or thinking?

Wondering whether he was okay?

At any rate, Hux didn't have much time to really think about it. Before long, the week had ended, and Hux was summoned to Snoke's chambers for discussion.

"General Hux; how pleasant to see you," Snoke said, in his deep, swelling voice. "Please, sit down."

Hux came in and took the seat that Snoke had indicated.

They spent a great deal of time talking about who Snoke had ordered executed, and why. They spoke about those that had pleased him, and his recommendations for rewards and rank-changes.

At the end of it all, Snoke smiled, and said something rather unexpected.

"An interesting detail, General; many of those whose minds I read found it 'unfair', that YOU are not subject to the same evaluation. I wonder, if, perhaps we should humor the detractors?"

The way he said it made it sound as though Hux had a choice in the matter; but Hux wasn't fooled for an instant. He knew that Snoke had made up his mind to do this already, and his 'asking' was only a false courtesy.

Nevertheless, Hux responded with "Of course, Supreme Leader. Your wishes are my wishes."

"Splendid! Then relax, close your eyes, and let me borrow your magnificent brain."

Hux closed his eyes obediantly, although relaxing was easier said than done.

Snoke had pushed into his mind several times over the years, but each time felt as though it was the first time. Hux didn't have the vocabulary to adequately describe the experience, but if he had to try, the words "razor" and "wall" sprang to his thoughts. It was like a wall of razor-sharpness pushing itself into inch by inch into Hux's being, invading him, reading him from the inside out.

It hurt, but in an entirely mental way. Afterwards, Hux would have a headache for hours.

He tried to remain calm, now, as Snoke poked and prodded his brain.

"It's always a refreshing thing, to see that you stay solidly loyal to me and The First Order, even after all this time," Snoke said, and Hux could feel him smiling. "Although--I can see that in recent months, you've had your attention pulled steadily elsewhere. But you're strong; you've overcome your base desire and remained a dedicated, intelligent worker. Excellent. Most excellent, General."

He pulled out of Hux's mind, and Hux opened his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief.

Relief, but confusion.

"Forgive me, Supreme Leader, but . . . desires? What desire do you speak of?"

"Your desire for my apprentice, of course. But fear not; you are a master at keeping your feelings concealed and tamed. Kylo Ren could take a lesson from you, in terms of self-control."

Hux was shocked. "I have no desire for Lord Ren," he said, striving to sound firm despite the way his voice shook.

The Supreme Leader shook his head. "Very concealed, but most certainly present, General Hux. But it is as I said; your strength won't allow you to succumb to such folly. I have no worries for you. Now, dismiss."

Hux bowed before him and left, his mind in a confused tailspin.

Snoke had said, desire.

Desire?

Did he mean -- love?

Was it in Hux's mind, hidden so deep that it was unknown even to himself, a -- a _love_ for --for Kylo Ren, of all people?

"No, it can't be," Hux said, out loud, to himself. He had made it back to his office and stood looking out the window. "It has to be a mistake."

"What has to be a mistake?"

The voice came from behind him, and Hux flinched. He turned around and came face to face with Kylo Ren, who was standing in his doorway.

"What are you doing here?", he asked, more harshly than intended.

"I just got back from my mission, and I wanted to come see you. Do you want to go to Mess with me, have dinner?"

Hux's heart leapt, involuntarily, at Kylo's words. He wanted more than anything to go and talk to him, to simply be in his presence. But then he heard Snoke's words in his head, persistent.

_Your strength won't allow you to succumb to such folly._

And that's what this was: folly.

ANY kind of feelings he supposedly had for Kylo Ren, other than strictly professional ones, needed to be snuffed out and denied immediately.

"No, thank you, Ren. I have a lot of work to attend to here."

He sat down and began shuffling through his papers.

Kylo watched him for a moment, confused.

"Well, how about you come to my quarters later, then? I'm thinking of rearranging some things, I would surely appreciate the help, and the company."

Hux looked up at him sternly. "If you need help with physical labor, we have any number of stormtroopers available for you, Lord Ren."

Kylo was surprised by the apparent coldness in Hux's demeanor, but was afraid to ask him about it.

Inside, he felt torn up.

Maybe he had been wrong in thinking that Hux could really be his friend. After all, a man like him didn't deserve friends, did he?

Of course not.

"I'll have my mission report on your desk by tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I'll leave you to your work, General Hux."

He turned and left without saying another word.

\---

The days that followed were very difficult ones, for Kylo Ren.

Hux's distant, cold demeanor did not change, no matter what Kylo said to him. And on top of that, it felt as though Hux was avoiding him. He didn't come to see him in his quarters anymore, he never came to the Mess, instead having meals delivered to him in his office or his quarters. At meetings, Hux always kept one or two of his advisors or officers around him at all times, leaving Kylo unable to catch him alone.

He didn't know what had caused Hux to change, but he felt certain that whatever it was, it was all HIS, Kylo Ren's, fault.

_He probably just got tired of dealing with my weaknesses, my insecurities, all the kriffing time._

And Kylo couldn't fault the General for that. After all, he got tired of himself. He loathed himself entirely, and, to be honest, he was amazed that Hux had put up with him as long as he had.

But there was something else, underneath everything, that bothered Kylo most of all.

All these weeks, getting closer and closer to Hux, watching as their friendship bloomed--he had been feeling, just a little, something more. Something that he was unfamiliar with and scared of. Something he thought might, _might_ be . . . love.

He was not versed at all in the concept of romantic love, so his feelings were confusing to him.

Was it 'love' that made it so Hux was the first person he thought of, when he woke up? Or the last person he wanted to talk to before going to sleep?

Was it 'love' forcing him to think about Hux all the time, finding that the redhead occupied the background of the majority of Kylo's jumbled thoughts?

When they were together sometimes, talking, sitting close, sometimes the urge to reach out and hold Hux's hand was so overwhelming that Kylo felt almost sick with it. Was THAT 'love'?

And strangely, despite his new and frightening these feelings were--Kylo felt, deep down, that Hux felt the same way.

But, looking at his situation now, he saw that he had been wrong about that.

Hux surely didn't love him.

Hux didn't even desire to be his friend, anymore.

Kylo made it to his quarters and let himself in, with a heavy sigh.

Since Hux had started to visit him, the place had felt warm, and alive, for the first time ever. Now that he no longer came, it went back to the cold, empty rooms that he had always known.

Very cold.

 _Too_ cold.

Kylo wrapped his arms around himself and went to look at the thermostat. The temperature read normal, but he bones it up by a few notches, unable to ignore his shivering.

 _You probably caught a cold from the last planet you were on_ , he thought to himself, as he slowly trudged into his bedroom. _That's great; just what you needed right now._

He crawled into bed, not bothering to undress as he pulled the heavy covers over his shaking body.

_Then again -- what does it even matter?_

\---

Hux stood in the hangar bay beside Kylo Ren and Supreme Leader Snoke, the three of them watching as Snoke's ship was loaded. Snoke was leaving for a few weeks, to visit one of their other bases located I the next system. He was giving Hux and Ren detailed instructions for how he wished things to be run in his presence.

At last his ship was ready, and Hux and Ren bowed before him as he boarded and took off into the sky.

Hux watched until the ship was out of sight, then turned to Kylo.

"I need you to report to me on the field at 1500," he was saying, "And then--"

He was interrupted by Kylo having a loud, painful sounding coughing fit. Despite himself, Hux found himself looking at Kylo with apprehension.

"Are you sick?"

"I'm fine," Kylo snarled at him, turning away. "1500, heard," he called over his shoulder, walking away.

But he didn't show up at 1500. Or the meeting at 1700, or the drill at 1900. He wasn't in the mess, either.

Hux stopped by Medical Bay to grab a doctor to follow him to Kylo's quarters. After forcing his way in (he had tried knocking for quite some time, only to receive no answer) he and the doctor found Kylo in his bedroom, buried under a heavy mountain of blankets but shivering quite hard.

The doctor took his temperature.

"He's running quite a high fever," he said, looking worried. "His pulse is extremely sluggish, as well. And his color is troubling. Normally a temperature this high indicates a strong virus, combined with a possible infection. He'll have to come to medical bay right for treatment. Left alone, this could potentially kill him."

Hux nodded. "I understand. Please go on ahead to Med Bay and set up whatever you may need. I'm going to get him ready, and we'll meet you there."

The doctor nodded and left, leaving the two alone. Kylo, who had been unresponsive during the doctor's visit, now opened his eye and looked at Hux with a scowl.

"What do you want?"

"Sit up. We've got to get you dressed. You're sick, and need to go to--"

"I'm not going anywhere, General," Kylo said, turning over and facing the wall. "Get out."

"What? I can't do that. You're sick and--"

"I said, get out," Kylo said, calmly. "You already interrupted my death once, on Starkiller, and I won't let you do it again, General."

Hux felt his stomach drop to the floor. He felt that same, overwhelming sense of fear, of panic, the same as he had felt when he couldn't find Kylo in the snow.

"Kylo, stop this nonsense, and get up! This is ridiculous! You're very ill, and need help. I'm not just going to sit around and watch you die!", Hux shouted at him angrily.

Kylo used what little strength he had to turn back around and face him. Hux's heart clanged uneasily, as he saw how pale Kylo had gotten.

"Don't act like you care, Hux. I know the only thing you're worried about it Snoke coming back and seeing that you've let his apprentice die. Well, I'll help you out, and say that I forcibly kept you out."

With that, Hux suddenly flew backwards, off his feet, and out into the hallway. The bedroom door closed itself shut behind him, and locked.

"Ren!" Hux shouted, banging on the door, "For Maker's sake, let me in!"

"Go away, Hux. Just leave me alone."

"I can't do that!", Hux yelled, feeling how close he was to tears. "Please, let me in."

"Oh, but I did let you in, Hux. I let you in and you let yourself back out. This door, EVERY door, is shut to you. Now go away!"

"I **CAN'T**!"

"WHY?"

Hux sank down to the floor. " _Because I **love** you_!", he shouted. Kylo didn't respond, so Hux kept talking, quietly, 

"I love you, Kylo Ren. I've been scared of that fact, and trying to deny it, but I can't anymore. I love you."

Still no response.

"I don't know if you love me back, but I think you do. I _feel_ you do. And I feel like you're scared, too. But instead of being scared of this alone, let's be scared, together."

No answer.

"Please, Kylo, open the door. I love you and I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't want to lose you. Open the door. Please?"

There was no answer, and Hux, tears streaming down his face, decided to get up and leave, thinking Kylo was surely rejecting him.

He got to his feet and turned to go, when, blessedly, the door creaked open.

Kylo stood there, wrapped in a blanket, and very shaky on his feet. Tears were running down his face, as well.

He didn't say anything, just grabbed Hux and folded him into his arms, blanket and all.

"I love you, too," he whispered in Hux's ear, hugging him even tighter.

After a few minutes of this, Hux broke free and took Kylo's arm, and began walking him towards the front door.

"Now will you go Med Bay?"

Kylo nodded, leaning heavily against Hux. Hux's revelation and Kylo's own waning strength had him feeling exhausted. 

And happy.

\---

Later that night, Hux stood over his bed, arms folded, and watched as Kylo Ren crawled in.

“I think you’re going a little overboard, Hux. I took the medicine, the doctor said I’d be fine in a few days. I really don’t think its necessary for you to watch me like this. Or for me to be in your quarters.”

Hux rolled his eyes, and started to tuck Kylo in.

“What part, exactly, did you not get about ‘I love you’? That means I’ll worry about you, and take care of you. Which is what I’m doing now. So just lay there and let me take care of you, alright?”

He went into the kitchen and came back in a few moments with a tray containing a bowl of hot soup, tea, and Kylo’s next round of pills. He set it over his lap and sat down next to him.

“Don’t you have a meeting or something you need to go to?”

“Not important. You are. Now eat.”

Kylo smirked at him.

“You realize we’re doing everything backwards again, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I believe standard protocol for courtship goes something like: going on several outings, a kiss, an admission of love, then _more_. But you told me you loved me, yet we haven’t been on a proper outing, or even had a kiss. And here I am, partaking in the ‘more’ by ALREADY being in your bed. I’m not sure I want to be with somebody so disorganized, so—”

Carefully, so as not to upset the tray, Hux leaned over Kylo, put his hand on his cheek, and kissed his warm, lush lips. He tried to act like it was a casual thing, but it wasn't. It was their first kiss, and if they weren't solidly in love before, _that_ would have sealed it for both of them.

“That’s one down,” Hux told him with a smile. “As for your outing, we’ll have to wait until you’re better. And about you being in my bed—”

He crawled in to the other side and snuggled into Kylo.

“I can’t think of another place I’d rather you be. Now, eat.”

So Kylo ate, and Hux did some quiet work on his DataPad beside him.

After a while, the two of them fell asleep, leaning into each other and sharing each other's sweet warmth.

For once, both of their dreams were calm, and peaceful.


End file.
